


Alive

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Category: Bon Jovi (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:39:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27950126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Jon does what it takes to make him feel alive.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

> I can't do this anymore.  
> Writing helped me for a little bit. But I'm numb again. I do what it takes to feel pain because it helps me. For awhile, it was okay. But now its too bad again.  
> I can't fight it anymore.  
> Nobody's gonna care.  
> It's late now.  
> I need to go.  
> Thank you for the kindness.   
> But I want to sleep now.   
> I don't care how.   
> Even if it hurts, because its better than the numbness.

Richie didn't like it - none of them did. Jon could see it in their faces - their disgust, their sadness, their concern, their pitu. But none of what they said could do anything. 

After all, he needed to feel alive if he were to put on a show. 

Even when it hurt. 

Jon felt numb, and the emptiness always hurt so much more than the blood when it dripped onto the ground. 

He needed to feel something, ( _ANYTHING)._

Some of the guys did drugs. Some of the guys drank until nothing made sense. 

But for Jon, he preferred to have his faculties in check, and the accompanying haze that came with a shot of heroin never made him feel good. 

Jon hissed through his teeth as more blood drained from his arm, bright red. 

He felt like perhaps he'd cut too deep this time. 

But it worked all the same. 

And even though Richie's usual look of jubilation was replaced by concern, and even though David's usual energy was replaced by sadness, and even though Tico was always there to hide the razors, and even though Alec was always hovering nearby just in case the blood loss were to prove too much, Jon knew it was for the best. 

It made him feel alive, throbbing with energy, ready to burst. 

"Like a start." Richie mumbled. "You're gonna burn too brightly, Jonny. You're gonna kill yourself." 

And Jon smiled. "I know." 


End file.
